Prepared to Die

November 1, 2024

Caspar David Friedrich, The Abbey in the Oakwood (1809)

I woke up this morning and knew that I was completely ready to die. Moreover, I knew how I wanted to die: being held by my wife.

At first, I was despondent: Is there nothing worth doing left? Nonsense. Look around: even if you are safe, you will see one catastrophe after another. There are uncountably many places to stand and resist

Pieter Bruegel the Elder, The Triumph of Death (1562)

I am not ready to go because I have accomplished my goals. I haven’t succeeded at anything that genuinely matters. That no longer troubles me. Reinhold Niebuhr explained that one can’t achieve what matters in one lifetime:

Nothing… worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope. Nothing… true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore, we must be saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness.  
—Reinhold Niebuhr, The Irony of American History 

We need hope, faith, love, and forgiveness. By the grace of God, I have these things.

Albert Bierstadt, Among the Sierra Nevada, California (1868)

I’m unlikely to die soon. I may have more to write. But when death comes, I am ready.