Greetings to all during the holiday season. (For our family, this is the first day of Advent.) Because of the holiday and other commitments, there will be fewer postings this month.
I want to extend a special message of support for those who find the holidays challenging. My childhood memories of Christmas are bleak. Family events were poisoned by anger, disappointment, depression, benzodiazepines, and way too much alcohol.
Why were the holidays so difficult? My mother and father had conflicts with their parents; I cannot remember a single word from Mom or Dad about happiness at their family Christmases. My parents had an unhappy marriage, and the holiday seemed to require expressions of hyperactive joy that they did not feel.
After I left home, I avoided the ethanol and pharmaceuticals but not the mood. So, what could I do? I tried to separate myself from the mercantile-pumpkin spice-“rockin’ around the Christmas tree”-secular- Christmas. (Please do not ask me to watch a ‘Christmas movie’ with you.)
This was what the New England Puritans did. Here is their law.
For preventing disorders arising in several places within this jurisdiction, by reason of some still observing such festivals as were superstitiously kept in other countries, to the great dishonor of God and offence of others, it is therefore ordered by this Court and the authority thereof, that whosoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way, upon such accountants as aforesaid, every person so offending shall pay of every such offence five shillings, as a fine to the county.
The Puritans thought the holiday was pagan and lacking in Biblical justification. It led to excessive feasting and boisterous behaviour, while they wanted sobriety, order, and piety. But that was not what I wanted.
Finding what I wanted at Christmas improved my life. With my wife’s help, I saw that I wanted a genuine feast, an event in which each family member joined on their terms, coming together in love.
It sounds so simple, but somehow it took years. Hating Christmas didn’t help me and made things worse for everyone else. Coming to Christmas has meant studying the religious tradition and the beautiful art and music produced earlier in Church history. But those do not have to be your terms.
If you are a Christmas sufferer, drop me a note.
Yup. My mother was Polish American and it apparently didn’t matter that Christ was born. The Holiday that was celebrated was when He died even though she was eternally angry at the Catholic Church and Priests. My dad, on the other hand, was of German descent and Christmas was Joy even though he was an avowed agnostic! As a small child, at least til I was 7 or 8, the Christmas Joy pretense was alive and well. After that. Not so much. My parents were beset with their own issues and Christmas was lost in the shuffle. I, as a small child, seemingly was the only one to want to carry on the decorating traditions and did so alone until I finally launched into my own life at 23 years. As a young adult, I ignored Christmas the best I could. For years, my only decoration was a small 2 ft blow up plastic tree. As a RN, I worked Christmas often. Given that my birthday is also in December after Christmas and forgotten by friends, I spent years dreading December and depressed. I finally realized I had a lot of hyped up fantasy expectations and as I balanced those with reality, December has ceased to be a horrible month.