We are pleased to announce that we will publish an advice column in which St Joseph, the patron saint of the dying, answers readers' questions.
Nicodemus, a pharisee and a member of the Sanhedrin, will ask the questions on behalf of humanity.
Nicodemus: St Joe, thank you so much for taking our questions. I was slightly puzzled to discover that you are the patron saint of the dying. Other than the fact that you have died, there doesn’t seem to be anything that distinguishes you as someone who would be knowledgeable about this topic.
St Joe: Nic, you are most welcome. You are correct; I don’t have any particular expertise for this. However, no one knows everything that you need to know. The saints pass this job around among ourselves.
The most common question I get has nothing to do with dying. People write and ask me where on their property they should bury my statue.
Nicodemus: (Pause.) Ok, where should we bury your statue?
St Joe: How in hell would I know?
Nicodemus: Here is a question that several readers have asked. It puzzles me, too.
There is a person who wants to visit. I do not like this person. Because I am suffering, my face expresses pain. So, when the visitor looks at me, they see a person pained by the visitor’s presence and takes offence.
I could try to smile, but this is a bad person who imagines that I like them. Why should I misrepresent my true feelings? My question, then, is whether there is some problem with this.
St Joe: Let’s set aside the question of how you come to think this person is worse than you. We will assume you are correct, and they are a terrible person.
Be that as it may, this person spent their time and money coming and seeing you. And your face conveys to them that this is unwelcome? That they aren’t good enough to come and see you?
Nicodemus: Well, I suppose if someone treated me that way, I would…
St Joe: Got it in one! BOOM SHACKA LACKA; BOOM SHACKA LACKA; BOOM!
Nicodemus: Pardon me?
St Joe: Sorry, that was after your time.
Technically, St Joseph is the patron saint for a happy and peaceful death, not just “death”. And you bury him upside down in front of your horse to sell the house
Believe me it works
Just in case that question comes up again
This is great. Thank you Bill👏
Good one!